Counting My Blessings

There's a list somewhere of the things Ghandi possessed when he died. I've found different accounts but some of the items include a pair of glasses, a bowl, a book, sandals, a simple piece of clothing ... Something like seven things. I look around my apartment and realize that while I've downsized considerably I have quite a few more than that.

For example, three phones, one landline and two cell phones (one is my husband's). One computer, one printer, one TV, one birdcage, two birds, three lamps and a string of clear pinecone Christmas lights, two rugs (one a trade for an organizing job I did), a new desk purchased at trendy West Elm which I admit I love, a sofa, two library chairs purchased at Uhuru, a small altar table my son gave me which now serves as coffee table, comfortable bed and two bedside tables purchased at a consignment shop on our return from Peace Corps.

A simple oak dresser that was put out by a neighbor with a FREE sign. Several treasured paintings, a closet lightly filled with mostly thrift store clothes and expensive, comfortable shoes. Books. Art supplies, a box of files, photos. Nothing in storage. I've shed many things over the years, given away, sold, donated. And things keep coming in. But I find that the less I have, the more I value it.

Feeling Combobulated

I woke up feeling combobulated this morning. Then I wondered if that is really a word. I found it on Urban Dictionary and it means what you would think it means. The opposite of discombobulated or pulling it together. The reasons I'm feeling combobulated at the present moment, despite advertisers attempts to pull me into the vortex of consume, consume, consume, is that I got all my Christmas gifts in one place, a cozy bookstore, in one afternoon. I just wandered and perused and browsed and doubled back and did it all over again until I found gifts for the few family members that we exchange with. (We just share cards with the family that lives far away.) With patience and persistence, I found the perfect book or CD for each one.

Then I wrapped them in paintings I had done in a recent art class. We used tempera paints and heavy white paper to create colorful expressions of what we were feeling in the moment without worrying about the finished product. They looked different cut up into sections and each one seemed to match the gift. It contributed to my feeling of non-attachment and passing things along.

I have tried to keep my time in the stores to a minimum but a few purchases have added to my feeling of combobulation. Yesterday I made one stop and did some banking, bought gingerbread men to take to a friend's house for lunch and a new "double-wide perch" for the outside of my parakeets' cage. An early Christmas gift for Pie and Apple.

Last weekend we went to a holiday party at a neighborhood Bed and Breakfast we discovered for visiting friends. The owner has a two story aviary filled with 400 birds of varying kinds. He has parrots, parakeets, finches and lovebirds. I tried to imagine Pie and Apple among that flock. People were crammed into the perfectly decorated home and we squeezed past the harpist to get to the heavily laden dining room table. The host had prepared his special mushroom soup which he served in mugs. There was wine and eggnog and lots of birdsong.

At our son's Christmas party last night, there were his neighbors, co-workers and our grandsons alternately watching a DVD and consuming way too much sugar. Then they would fling themselves into our arms and drag us into their room to play. There's all kinds of ways to celebrate the holidays but being with family, particularly children, is undoubtedly one of the best.

Simplifying the Holidays

Some tips from the Center for a New American Dream (www.newdream.org) around the holidays.

Have a cookie swap. Six friends who each make six dozen of the same kind of cookie can meet for coffee and go home with a dozen of each kind.

Frame a picture of the family home. Send it to distant friends and relatives who can't make it home this year.

Take a friend off junk mail. Generate automatic forms with your recipient's name and address at www.newdream.org/junkmail to reduce unwanted mail by 50%. Present the forms in stamped, addressed envelopes ready to sign and mail.

Make an emergency kit for the car. Create a gift basket with a blanket, flashlight, gas can, jumper cables and flares.

Make a donation in someone's name. Heifer International is one great recipient. Buy a village a goat!

Give the gift of reconnection. Call an estranged friend or write a letter to someone you haven't seen in a few years.

Share the love of reading. Give away the last great book you bought and enjoyed to someone who shares your taste.

Storytelling is a powerful way to preserve family memories, especially if you exaggerate a few details for posterity.

Designate an amount of money to donate and let your kids pick the charity.

Give a gift of kindness: shovel snow for an elderly neighbor, leave potted flowers or herbs anonymously on a friend's doorstep, clean the cat box without being asked!

Scaling back at the holidays takes an extra effort at first, but it can be deeply rewarding, leaving more time for friends, faith or just some self-care.

Housesharing Means Turning Around Sometimes

Housesharing has many advantages and in the Bay Area it can mean the difference between staying and moving to Keokuk, Iowa, or Asheville, NC. We moved to a house in the Oakland Hills in August and we've gained so much in comparison to the small loss of space and privacy. We moved from a one-bedroom apartment overlooking Lake Merritt to a smaller one-bedroom space where we share the kitchen in the house. The good thing about it is the kitchen has a beautiful commercial stove and refrigerator and a view of the Golden Gate and Bay Bridges. Last night the turquoise and burgundy sky at sunset was spectacular.

Other things we have gained include a dog named Tasha whose ability to "talk" comes from her mother, who is part wolf. Then there's the black and white cat, Zen, who I have taken to feeding and giving her thyroid pill twice daily. She now sleeps in a leopard cat bed I bought her on the landing between our two floors. There's a constant dance between Zen and Tasha, who wants to eat Zen's food and any other food for that matter that makes its way to the floor. Zen is a slow eater and she likes me to be standing by as she eats. A new form of meditation.

We have a deck off our space where we hang clothes to dry and admire the ever-changing view. We're raising some plants given to us by our housemate.

Last night the furnace went on as we were falling asleep. The problem is, the vent is right over our heads and when we try to close it, it sounds like a train roaring through a tunnel. Our place gets warm much more quickly than upstairs so we needed to adapt to the situation. We finally decided to just put our pillows at the bottom of the bed and sleep the other way. This is a lesson I have been learning from more left-brain thinkers. If something isn't working the way I'm doing it, try another way. It's amazing how many times I do that thing author Rita Brown says: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

This doing it a different way worked for me recently when I was helping a friend reframe a picture. And when I figured out the problem with my Tivo. It makes me feel much more competent and less flakey when I persist and figure something out that used to baffle me. And it's often so simple. If I'm turning it to the right, turn it to the left. If I'm plugging it in here, plug it in there. I'm also learning that there's more than one right way to do things. My way isn't always right. In fact, one of the most helpful phrases for me when I'm hearing something that triggers me is, "You might be right." And believing it.

Gifts That Won't Become Clutter

My favorite organizing blog is written by Jeri Dansky (jdorganizer.com). I check it every day for original ideas and products. Today she shares a dozen gifts that are Earth-friendly and won't contribute to clutter. I'm going to join the No Shopping on the day after Thanksgiving movement this year. I have a job with a regular client that day so I will have to pay a toll to reach him, but hopefully that's the only money I'll spend tomorrow.

Ten things I am grateful for this year:

1. A new grandson, Liam Zachary, born to Jerry & Jessica in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
2. Moving to a beautiful house share in the Oakland hills with a view of the Golden Gate Bridge, a dog named Tasha and a cat named Zen.
3. The partners my son and daughter have chosen.
4. My new MacBook Pro
5. Joining the Threshold Choir which sings to people who are ill or dying.
6. A trip to Asheville, NC, where we stayed with my favorite niece.
7. Tutoring in a friend's third grade class in East Oakland.
8. All my friends at the Ann Martin Center, where I worked until August.
9. Space For Grace and the clients who enrich my life.
10. My husband, John, who promised me life with him would never be dull. (And he kept his promise.)

And now...from Jeri Dansky --

12 Gifts That Won't Become Clutter

Many of us - and the people we get gifts for - already have many material things. Now, it may be that you know the person very well, and you know of something that would be perfect for that person. That's great! But sometimes we're buying for someone who is dear to us but whose taste we're less sure of - or someone who really doesn't seem to need any more stuff.

So here's a list of things to consider giving:

Membership at a museum or zoo
A gift certificate for a massage or a facial
A gift certificate for a feng shui consultation or house blessing
A gift certificate for a night at a B&B
A “gift certificate” for baby-sitting, car washing, etc.—any service you can provide that would be appreciated by the receiver
A book of pre-paid car wash coupons (my local car wash sells these)
A CD of favorite music (made legally)
Consumables such as food or wine (but consider dietary restrictions)
Interesting toothpaste: fennel or a choice of 30+ flavors (green tea, Japanese plum, etc.)
An emergency kit (if they don't have one)
A professional photograph of you (for your parents), of the person's pet, etc.
A donation to a cause the person cares about (not for everybody; some love it, some think it’s not a real gift)


And here are some items that often become clutter - so give them with caution:

Something cute—because cute wears off
Knick knacks
Specialty gadgets for the kitchen
Another item for the collection (if the collection is getting out of hand)
Toys—the average child gets about 70 toys per year
Clothes that might not fit, especially if returns are difficult; clothes in general if you’re not an expert in the colors, fabrics, and styles that work for the individual in question
Anything where you think "this will do" (rather than "this is perfect")

All Those Children and Curious George

It was nearly Thanksgiving 28 years ago when my best friend from high school was talking to her mother about a friend of theirs who was recently divorced and lonely. My friend suggested that her mother fix him up with me -- also recently divorced, but determined to wait five years until I got married again. We both got an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner, but both had other plans. When Jan's mom called and told me John "would like to get to know you better," I was interested. But she offered a caveat. "The only reason I'm hesitant about being matchmaker is all those children," she said. "How many?" I asked, remembering how kind he had seemed at a dinner party where we had been seated next to each other. "Six," she said. That didn't worry me at the time and we were married two months after our first date in the living room of our matchmaker, with a heavy snow falling outside. One of John's six children couldn't make it to the ceremony because he was in the hospital having an emergency appendectomy. We stopped by to see him before the wedding and he wished us well.

Just last week, the 17th grandchild arrived. That joyous news was followed by the sad phone call telling us that another grandchild, 14 months old, had just been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. I remembered my friend's worry about all those children, but I see them as a rich blessing, embracing the good and the sad. Another grandson just recovered from a bout with a nasty staph infection. This grandson has three daughters and his sister also has three girls -- so that means six great-granddaughters have been added to the family. Our reunions, though not frequent enough, are filled with joy. We have grandchildren who play soccer, trombone, water polo, some who cook, do physical therapy, weld, swim. We have a cheerleader, an actor, water skiers and writers.

I am thankful on the eve of this Thanksgiving to have our five-year-old grandson here watching Curious George and eating pizza. We took him to the Chabot Space Center to see a film about astronauts because he was interested in becoming one. After seeing all the dangers astronauts face, he whispered to his grandfather, "This looks too dangerous. I'm going to stay on Earth." Tomorrow we'll drive him home and share a feast with his two brothers, his Mom & Dad, my son and his girlfriend, who is making pistachio brittle, and my daughter and her new boyfriend. I am so thankful for my matchmaker.

Threshold Choir: Singing With Our Hearts

This weekend I drove North to a workshop given by Kate Munger who started and leads Threshold Choirs in the Bay Area and elsewhere. The choir honors the ancient traditon of singing at the bedsides of people who are struggling, some with living, some with dying. Kate says the voice is a true and gracious vehicle for compassion and comfort.

I expected to learn songs, but I didn't expect the depth of healing that happened as nearly 30 women sat in circle and shared the resonance of lullabies, chants, rounds and hymns. We met in a rural, wooden Episcopal Church and memories returned as I paged through a hymnbook. I grew up in a small Episcopal Church in Iowa and I recognized many of the symbols and statues. I shared a room with Jean, who I met in the kitchen, chopping vegetables for one of our healthy, nourishing meals, all prepared by Kate, with help from the community. Our room held two beds that were built into the wall and just perfect for women under 5 foot 3. It reminded us of a boat.

Between singing, we knitted, shared stories, discovered synchronicities, laughed, drank tea and took walks in the misty woods surrounding the church. A flock of pelicans flew by and a red-tailed hawk perched high in a dead tree outside our windows. Instead of alarm clocks, we were awakened by choir members singing to us.

The weekend helped heal a part of me that thought I had lost my voice. When I was in high school, I was part of a duo, Mike & Val. My friend was a self-taught guitar player during the 60's and he taught me folk songs, which we sang at parties and sock hops. It was a long time ago. My voice was there this weekend and it blended with everyone else's voice. The voices expressed sadness and joy and pure pleasure.

There are choirs currently meeting (twice a month for rehearsals) in Marin, Sonoma, Oakland, Contra Costa, San Francisco, Santa Cruz and more. (thresholdchoir.org) Check it out if you want to find your voice and so much more.